Shelley Odradek

I heard that the pleasure of rocking comes from the body, that it likes repetitive movement. to honor the space that is it, in its fullness. And not to change it so that it becomes light, a dance or embrace or a fall. The collective power soothing through movement. Roots connected like in a dream. Care through movement. through the air and then the soil. they travel and I don t know if he is precisely saving me from one end to the other, the joy of staying full of grace and determination.

Safe is not the same as comfortable.

On that night I saw for a moment a mountain in front of me. how insignificant and how deeply consequential, all in the same moment I The messages about sunshine, storms, predators, and inhabitants; I woke up this morning thinking of the sound of your voice, I want to become the voice I I was looking for the intimacy chorus that we've created. In terms of a sound, hmm, maybe the sound of waves...and the spectrum of love. A simple tip of how to move from here there and back. I love the idea that I am just a small piece, small piece of the whole machine that can work so perfectly. IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

I have always believed that love is a cosmic thing, also an urban thing, as the city is the closest we can be to the universe. And I would say that there is no gap between the dream and the reality. We are learning to be together, to constellate, and I enjoy it even if the figures we are creating in the sky are confusing and ephemeral.

/ Something else that has always fascinated me is how different our experience was (and memory is), of growing up in the same house, We are so different. But also so similar.

I grew up in a little red house, I played in the meadows all day long. Some of my memories are mixed, some have changed within time. I think I have changed as well. I can realise that those hands suffered so much. But right now, on a grey Tuesday in October 2020, I think we are witnessing a big transformation. I am not sure if I am able to name all this. I felt as if it was almost normal.

I grew up in a little red house, I played in the meadows all day long. Some of my memories are mixed, some have changed within time. I think I have changed as well. I can realise that those hands suffered so much. But right now, on a grey Tuesday in October 2020, I think we are witnessing a big transformation. I am not sure if I am able to name all this. I felt as if it was almost normal.

Do you ever worry about that, about spending too much time back then? an intense desire to discover these forgotten spaces, to find the secrets and treasures. Well, I guess we relive the past so strongly because it's the only thing that's real in some ways? Sometimes I think it is because she likes to tell them again and again and sometimes I think it is because she has to do it. But does it matter? I wait for these moments when she deforms or forgets the story. I wonder if she's aware of them
/
Maybe the distance we should keep makes me more sentimental about different bodies? Or the fact that I have become more sentimental about my own body a little bit? I can’t remember another time in my life where I’ve felt so absolutely present I And not in a really deep, connective kind of way but rather there just is no option to be anywhere but where we are right now. Dreams come from our body, body that experiences life, as you said - reality. It s a practice, so you learn it by doing it.

I am thinking about the bodies that are in pain while we become more and more distant I the distance between touch. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

simple gestures the same source, since time began. It s a pattern. breath that clears All the people that we have met, leaving traces on our 'skin'. This place in the world that is at once the point of contact and the barrier from it, these ever-present paradoxes. It's kind of like a monument to absence A gesture of protection for the past that some want to destroy, to erase. But don t get me wrong, I m not saying that the healing happens immediately. It s a process. What a different world it becomes. (I don t want that actually) he is a summary of the love that I have wasted and I have the vague hope that this time, condensing all the love in one body, sitting down on that monumental powerful genitalia, I would explode, disappear and join the stars.

he is a universe, he embodies memories of many other bodies I have loved. And I believe we, with all sisters and brothers, are fighting for our bodies.

I haven t loved that much recently, not in a cosmic way, not in the way I used to. Some traumas are longer than one s lifetime. it s a healing to our whole life experience. you can choose to trust me I I m a younger sister. A negotiation. as with all love, one that is both inspiring and tragic, the whole of life wrapped up in one arc, one gesture, one moment in time. i never wanna be alone and I think that's ok.
You must be an amazing person to love.

It seems that later the symbol of care and collectivity was transformed into a more individualistic notion, that maybe real joy was being alone, self-soothing, like a baby learning about how the world works. Life becomes much faster and all the changes are so touchable, so visible. I have this when I smell flowers. When I was small I equated this smell with funerals. This simple, proud, everyday smell.
My brother used to do the same. we've set up such funny strategies for understanding things,

It s a little surprising but also a little not ;) Echo could not use her own voice, It is not like ours, warm body that makes me feel alive, Funny how simple the equation is sometimes, no?
this dissociation of loving actions, to stay away so we can be together in the future. it s been a long time since I ve stepped on land or grass. I have become more and more sedentary.

Could that be getting old? Today I woke up weightless. my heart was broken. messy hair. I am in a child s body, she became an amplifier Without resonance. I think since then I feel myself a bit of an alien, A tingling sensation in my knees. Darkness needs love, too. emotional work. And it takes time. Maybe this is our task to give new meanings to all traumas, sadness and violence that have been here at this land for hundreds years? When I moved away from home I never really felt homesick but Kind of like every negotiation ever, when one thing tries to enter into another. A friction. Something comes back to you.

who first felt something about that tree in particular? And if you could be only one sound, which sound would it be?

This year for the first time in my life I collected a few drops of birch tree juice. when you're a kid growing up in the city, that one little bush becomes like an orchard. It was a walnut and he said it was his favorite tree, later it was mine too. I tell her the same jokes and she tells me our stories again and again like she told me those stories before.

I was trained to think of a paradox as something that negates itself rather than enriches. It is not a catch but a cradle. Her short hair and a smell of soap. this space which is like the boundary between the everything and the nothing, I am reminded of the properties of seeing.

Don't worry, it's only temporary.

And so, if by chance I m happy, because now I m loving you too.
I am thankful now at least that we are on the same planet

Isn t love the ultimate and most difficult of all pedagogies? cupid s arrow hit on the right spot.

Love. Shelley